Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Dirty Mouth?

I realized something last night: I'm a bit of a potty-mouth.

It happened gradually...maybe I just started getting frustrated more often, or maybe I just enjoy being snarky, but over time my quiet mutterings have gotten louder and louder. Then last night I found myself walking down the hall hollering, "Damn it! I burned the oatmeal again!" And as I turned into the bathroom and saw the angelic face of my two-year-old son playing in the tub, I stopped in my tracks and thought, "I really need to stop cursing."

Everyone has heard the stories about kids saying the darndest things, usually in front of the church pastor or in the checkout line at the grocery store. I love to tell the tale of my friend's nephew who called out gleefully, "see ya later, f*** face!," instantly incriminating his father, who backed silently out of the room beneath the glares of his wife, mother, and sister. And I giggle when I remember hearing another friend's daughter mutter under her breath when a puzzle piece just wouldn't fit in its spot. And the day when a child at my son's birthday party called someone else a "dumbass" and his mother had to explain her battle with road rage to the instantly-silent crowd in my living room was truly hilarious. But when you realize those words might come out of your own child's mouth, and that you are the one who put them there, well, it's time to grab a metaphorical bar of soap.

I don't say the really bad stuff. I'm more a fan of the medium-level obscenities, the ones that have meandered their way into our daily conversations. You can say them on TV, you hear them on the radio, and well, everyone else is doing it. But regardless of relative shock-value and societal peer pressure, cursing is unladylike. And anyone who knows me knows that first and foremost, I am a lady. (Hint - that is your cue to ROFLYAO*.)

So I have started coming up with new exclamations of frustration:

Cheese and crackers!


Oh, go bake a pie!

But sometimes nothing quite gives you that oomph like a good old-fashioned f-bomb.

I'm not proud. I want to change. So as of today, I am the new and improved, less sailor-like me. And if you don't like it, well, you can...go stuff a turkey.

*Roll On Floor Laughing Your A** Off (for the un-hip**)
**And if you're friends with me, that probably includes you.


EDP said...

Well, you know I relate to this. I've been a fan of the f-bomb for a long time, but I've had to dial it way, way back. In fact, the spouse called me on it recently, when I a complained about the amount of time it was taking Papa John's to deliver our *&%$ing pizza. Old habits die hard! Good luck to you. :-)

T.H. Elliott said...

Substitution cuss words are such a cop out though. If you're going to cuss, do it. Everyone knows what you really mean anyways, except maybe the kids.

Lyza Lynne said...

My ex was very fond of coming up with creative cuss words. "flying monkey poop", "son of a motherless goat" and other various animal references were quite common. Some were often hilarious. There are several insult generators online that I try to encourage students to use if they really feel like telling someone off. Blackadder, Shakespeare and even a Latin one. :)

Something you touched on that I'm finding very annoying in society is that the 'innocent' swear words are so accepted. I hate having to tell my children "This is just TV, you can't say that in real life" when watching a prime-time, family sit-com.

EDP said...

Sometimes, kids are driven in the opposite direction by cussing. I have friends with kids who recoil when adults curse, and even reprimand them for doing so. You just never know how they're going to react.

H F said...

I actually enjoy coming up with substitue cuss helps me laugh when I am angry and forget what it was that made me want to cuss in the first place. I've been doing moderately well in my rehabilitation.

J said...

My little four and a half girl said "Damn It" the night when she got frustrated while playing with a puzzle. The interesting thing... I don't use that phrase so now I'm looking at my ex-wife to see if she will fess up.

As for me personaly I love saying S***, D***, and F***. Even so, I make every effort not to cuss around my girls. And no matter what, I'll just about any cuss word except G.D. That one is just unacceptable to me; don't even like to hear it.

What really cracks me up is my mother. She will get truly pissed at someone and call them a C@*k S&#ker. I think that is actually worse than F***.

The Irredeemable Shag said...

I appreciate you trying to clean up your mouth. Good luck with that.

For me, I seem to be able to unconciously censor myself in front of my kids (for the most part). However, whenever they aren't around, it's potty-mouth city; as H.F. and T.H. can confirm. Use those special words proudly!

The Irredeemable Shag